It’s just as easy to fall into a rut as it is to fall in love. That’s why it’s important for couples to set marriage goals early on and stick to them! Have check-ins as needed and remind one another about these important non-negotiables for the sake of your love.
Why Set Marriage Goals?
Setting goals as a couple is critical and something that isn’t discussed enough. I love to set personal goals for myself on a daily, monthly, and yearly basis. So, it makes complete sense that I need them in my marriage as well.
It sounds so HARSH when you hear it for the first time – MARRIAGE GOALS. But it isn’t as rigid as you think. These ten commitments are more about honoring the promises you made to one another in the very beginning. Little reminders when you need them most.
If you don’t know where to begin, I wanted to offer up the ten foundations that I like to keep running in my own personal marriage.
Make Your Relationship a Priority
You should always continue to make your relationship a priority – even after 19/26/46 years of marriage. It doesn’t matter how long the two of you are together, your union will always still matter.
And just to stay in this lane, it matters more than anything else. Because in the end – after the job ends, the travel dies down, the clothes stop fitting, the gym membership expires – it will be the two of you binging on your favorite TV show. Never forget that.
Use Kind Words
My husband and I fight. I won’t pretend otherwise. But we never say things we can’t take back. Words hurt more than anything else because our minds hold onto those thoughts with white knuckles.
Remember, anything you say will never be forgotten. You might feel good releasing your thoughts … but your partner will never let it go.
Don’t speak disrespectfully to one another. If you have children, they shouldn’t be hearing any of it, anyway! Little sponges absorb everything around them.
Make it your goal to use kind words in all the ways you communicate. You will fight – of course! You will cry, be angry, hate each other. Hello! This is life! But don’t hit below the belt – ever.
Less Screen Time
Set your phones down after a certain hour of the day. No phones while in the bed. No phones while eating. These are rules we have in my house. And you know what? We are better for it.
We used to be in bed while watching a show and both be on our phones at the same time. I never felt more apart from my husband. A few years ago, we decided that when we were together doing something like watching a movie, the phones had to go away. The outside world already took so much away from us. They couldn’t have those moments, too.
So now, when we watch movies, we can talk about what’s happening or spend time cuddling or making fun of the characters on the screen. That wouldn’t be able to happen if we were also playing a game or checking Instagram. I rather plug into my man than social media – any day of the week.
It’s time to make a vow to spend less time with your screen. Your marriage depends on it.
Schedule Date Nights
Probably one of the most essential pieces of advice on the market. Get away and connect as adults! This should be an absolute goal for married couples.
Remember how you were before the bills and the kids and the chaos and the responsibility? Remember how you were when you were just dating? Do that every now and then whenever you can squeeze it in.
It’s expensive. Not everyone can afford date night and I get that. We had a pretty tough year this year. But we had our own date nights in our backyard. We figured it out – it’s a mindset!
If you can’t get to a restaurant, then make your own romantic set up at home. Put the kids to bed early, open up a bottle of wine, and focus on one another – truly!
What counts is that you two decided to take the time to spend it together.
Daily Expression of Physical Touch
A relationship where physical touch has fizzled is sad for one partner. Odds are the other partner doesn’t even notice anything is wrong. But if you two aren’t hugging and kissing and cuddling, someone is upset! They just might not be showing it.
Start holding hands again. Start kissing in the morning. Start hugging by the refrigerator. Sit next to one another by the couch. I know you have a huge couch and it defeats the purpose of owning such a huge couch… but so what?
A little romance in the morning does the body good! The more you start doing it, the more it will naturally become part of your day again. Smart goals for marriage should definitely include touch!
As much as we communicate online with strangers, how often do we really sit down and spill the beans with our loved ones? They are literally the only ones that matter!
A few months ago, I stopped posting on my personal wall on Facebook. I still have to do it for work. So, I keep up with my pages and groups. But no more personal updates from me about my daily life. I’m over it.
I much rather just be with the people I love and tell them all about it. Why am I spending so much time communicating with people who I don’t even really know when I could be focusing on the people that really matter in my life?
NO MORE photos of who I go out with on the weekends. Why does anyone need to know that? I was addicted to sharing. And now… I am free.
You know what happened? I spend so much more time with my kids and with my husband and it is marvelous. I don’t even go online to see what people are doing anymore! The cord has been cut. I just go online to work when I have to and then I shut it all down. BLISS!
My husband probably wants me to go online a bit more because he is probably sick of me, but I don’t care. I much rather be with him than anyone else.
Patience and Honesty
Be patient and honest with each other. I struggle with the patience part because I have three kids and a dog that loves to make a mess, but that’s just life I suppose.
But that’s life, isn’t it? Working through the madness. And you and your partner have each other to get through it. If Bill does something that drives me crazy – like eating so LOUDLY every single night – I just tell myself that he is a pig and I move on.
No, I’m just kidding. I tell myself that I have that disease where loud sounds make me crazy and he isn’t doing it on purpose. He is just a sloppy and slimy eater and I can’t take it personally.
You can’t take everything personally. I think that should be the name of this section. Everyone takes everything so personally. If you remove yourself from the equation, you will find the patience you need.
And honesty – well, that goes without saying. Honesty is the foundation of every relationship. One of my best friends lies to me almost every single day and I just don’t understand why she needs to do it? They are the smallest things but she always has to lie to me? It’s bizarre. I always pretend like I believe her, but I don’t. Little papercuts – every day.
They don’t actually MEAN anything – the lies. They are actually ridiculous. It’s almost pathological, but they hurt. I would never do this to anyone. Be sure to keep those white lies out of your marriage.
No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. Say it. Tattoo it. Breathe it in. Forgive quickly and let go. This is a marriage couple goal you cannot ignore.
There is no point to hold onto any grudges in your marriage. You will only hurt yourself in the end. Your partner will move on, years will move on, life will move on, and you will be the only one still carrying that boulder.
So, if you are willing to stay then you should be willing to forgive. If you are not willing to forgive, then reassess your relationship because it must have been something that broke you in half.
Remain a Team
A lot of relationship ends up becoming “you against me”—partners working opposite of each other rather than with one another. This is confusing to the children and often builds up resentment in a marriage.
Create a marriage goal that you will face everything that lies ahead of you together, as a team. Always show a united front. You are stronger together.
Related: 50 Couple Bucket List Ideas
Show Appreciation and Respect for One Another
Do you show appreciation for each other on a daily basis? It’s very important to let your partner know that they lift you up. That you acknowledge the burden they carry in your marriage.
What does appreciation look like? It might be as simple as a thank you or a fresh cup of coffee waiting for them in the morning. Anything to let them know you see and acknowledge them.
Never take anyone for granted – yes, even your spouse.
There it is! The 10 marriage goals every relationship should have. In the end, it’s all about having fun, encouraging each other, remaining a team.