I need a break. I really do. I talk so much about self care on this blog. Well, it’s about time I start practicing what I preach. It’s not me. It’s you. Actually, it’s me. I’m just… tired. And you know what? I acknowledge that.
May is hard. June is going to be harder and then the summer is going to be nearly impossible. As a work at home mom, this is always a difficult time of the year for me.
I’m owning this feeling and that is a big step in the right direction. There have been many moments in my past where I’ve pushed through the exhaustion and the restless mind and do you know where that’s gotten me? Nowhere fast. I need a break. I NEED A BREAK! So, I’m taking it.
I Need A Break
Today, I woke up and made my food shopping list and clipped a few online coupons. Then, I headed out the door with my man and we went to this little shop in town that serves all natural food.
We ordered two acai bowls and took our time getting through them. Once we were done, we ran a few more errands before we headed home. At that point, we made lunch and ate again – together.
I had about 200 emails to get through. I had a few videos I needed to film and upload. I had a deck that I needed send out to about a million PR reps. I had post that I needed to edit. But this morning, what I really needed to do was to unplug – just for a few hours.
I’m not the type of worker who could take an entire day off, that would be insane. But a few hours I could manage! When I need a break, I usually give myself just the morning.
And how ironic that taking the morning off resulted in me running errands. LOL! Such a mom thing to do. I should have went to the movies. In what universe is “taking off” going grocery shopping? BUT ANYWAY!!!!!
Once I was done with my errands, I plugged in for a few hours. I dove in deep with a fever. I made up for lost time and I double dipped and worked until it looked as if I never left my house. I am a super efficient worker when I need to be.
One thing after the other fell right off my to-do list and then…. I took a bubble bath (again). I think that was my third bubble bath of the week!
Why A Bubble Bath?
I read somewhere that if you take a super hot bubble bath, it’s equivalent to working out. So, I’m basically scorching skin off my bones in lieu of exercise. It’s not working by the way. Not losing any weight – but I do enjoy the peace and quiet.
I’ve learned to take my bubble baths while the kids are at school. When they are home, they are all fighting for my attention through the door and that’s just NOT fun. I know. I know.
My time with my children is limited. I shouldn’t feel that way, but sometimes it just gets so crazy! I love being a mom, don’t get me wrong!! But you know how it is!!!
How do I prefer to take my bubble baths? Alone with music and no lights and a candle = bliss. When I need a break, I close the door and I find my happy place and my happy place is about 110 degrees.
But a bubble bath doesn’t cure chaos. It’s just a band-aid. I haven’t been myself for about 6 months. Actually, it’s exactly 6 months on the nose.
Something happened to me in December and it completely shifted my perspective on my industry and my role in it. What happened is the core as to why I need a break.
A Horrible Feeling
Have you ever been made to feel… owned? Like you were someone’s property? Like you were for hire? It feels disgusting.
And I never want to feel that way again. I can’t shake it. This one particular gig has stained me and I can’t get that feeling off of me. That’s why I’ve felt the urge to pull away. That’s why I’ve felt the need to scream, “I need a break!”
Related: I Need To Love Myself More
I don’t want to post a thousand pictures of me in dresses smiling to some random stranger off camera. I don’t want to be seen that way right now. Leggy. In tight fit-clothing. Even though I never wore anything inappropriate. I always kept my children in mind.
I just refuse to get dressed up for THEM. Whoever they are – the men out there who think I am for hire.
I’m struggling with Instagram in particular. And it’s a shame because I was in such a groove at the end of last year. I really had a great schedule.
I was posting one fashion photo after the next. I was so happy with where I was going. I love fashion. I love to teach women how to get a great deal. But then, WHAM. What happened – happened and suddenly I couldn’t muster the desire or the will to participate in the game anymore. I need a break.
After what happened, I started to add more food and family and travel and anything else but me and my body because I didn’t want it to be about my body.
Because it never was about my body because I am so much more than my body. I have built a business from the ground up… TWICE… and it never had anything to do with my bra size.
But guess what? Those pictures don’t do as well. Shocker.
As a general consumer, you might not have noticed the shift of pictures on IG. They slowly might have changed over time and you might have not thought twice about me because I am just part of 3000 people you already follow.
But there was a big change on my end. And it mattered.
How do you take a break from life?
So, this is where I am. The back and forth. The struggle. The real deal. That’s why there have been so many more recipes on the blog lately.
That’s why there’s been so much more travel and I am happy with the shift. But the shift isn’t easy. The shift is pulling me from one pillar and attempting to shove me in another. It’s confusing. It’s overwhelming.
And maybe as a reader, it doesn’t seem like much, but as a producer, it’s completely insane.
This is why I am saying I need a break. I am trying to shift lanes too quickly. I expecting this adjustment to take place overnight and that would just KILL ME.
I need so much content, so much time, so much energy. And it’s just ME. And by the way, I’m trying to get away from me for a bit. So, I’m confused and overwhelmed and in need of help.
My Husband – My Rock
Thank GOD for Bill. I love my husband and the fact that we still have a happy marriage through all of this chaos is a miracle. He listens to my plans and my ideas and takes over things I cannot figure out.
He lets me shut down when I need to and pulls full parent duty when I crash. I am just so overwhelmed. I can’t handle what’s happening. I am very, very stressed. I want this to work.
How do you know you need a break?
The reason I need a break is that I’m forgetting to appreciate the nothing moments. I KNOW this. Small, beautiful memories are passing right by me. I’m too busy worrying and I’m not spending enough time loving and living and I recognize that! So, me taking off a few mornings a week will help me plug back into MY LIFE.
I wasn’t put on this planet to work myself to death and as a workaholic… that is a very easy thing to do. I love my job. I love the game. I love to win. It’s a rush like none other. But I love my family more. I love myself more and I need a break from worrying to plug back into reality for a bit.
So, perhaps, this Spring and Summer, I will slow down my posting schedule until I get everything fixed and working on the backend. Less newsletters. Less videos. Less posts. Less social media. But more living. So, when I do actually post, the content will be more vivid and fulfilling.
Time will tell if I actually go through with this. To say I need a break and to actually TAKE the BREAK are two very different things.
Do you ever feel like you need a break? Do you ever just stop worrying, spend time on your mental health and think about your long term self care plans? It is time to take a break for sure! Thanks for listening to my brain dump.
Related: How Squishy’s Mom From Monsters University Taught Me To Love Myself Again
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Related :What Is A Happy Marriage?
Tuesday 14th of May 2019
Love you. Do you! You got this shit!