If you are looking for ways to bring back the spark into your marriage, you have to do the work. But lucky for you it’s easier than you think. It’s more mental than physical when it comes to sex and odds are you are holding onto a lot of hurt and resentment that needs to dissolve. Let’s start there.
5 Ways To Bring Back The Spark To Your Marriage
How do you bring back the spark to a marriage that’s gone done? You take responsibility and ownership for what part you’ve played in the equation. You recognize that there are pieces in your puzzle that will always get in the way of a good time and you have to put in extra effort and energy to make your relationship a priority.
Ugh, right? What happened to all the fun you used to have before all that nonsense? Remember, when the only thing you had to worry about was what movie time you wanted to buy tickets for? Those were the GOLDEN YEARS!
Well, not really. The truth is, you have it pretty good right now. You’re just getting caught up in the day-to-day and you’re forgetting to appreciate one another in little, simple ways.
This post will act as a reminder to things that you ALREADY know. I’m not going to tell you anything NEW. I’m just going to refresh your memory about how you used to be before your shoulders were given so much to carry.
Make it a Priority
Please for the love of God do not schedule romance on your calendar. Whenever I hear that, I bite my tongue to the point of bleeding because… WHAT? But take it upon yourself to remember that this is SERIOUSLY PART OF YOUR MARRIAGE. It’s not a duty.
It’s not something that should happen because it’s “been a while”. It’s special. It’s what makes your relationship different than any other relationship you have. Think of it that way.
When Bill and I are getting sort of snippy at one another and the house is feeling a bit edgy, it’s typically because we’ve stepped away from one another unintentionally. We both easily can get caught up in our jobs and our parenting tasks.
There comes a point where we have to reset and find one another again. We are a team in every sense of the word. A couple. Partners. Friends. Lovers. It’s important to respect every role in marriage.
Kiss. Hug. Dance. Grab. And that’s all while you are making morning eggs. And if you have kids -do it in front of them. Let your children see what love looks like. Our children are always screaming at us because we are loving on one another at home. But you know what?
They are learning what a beautiful relationship looks like. My daughter and sons are seeing BY EXAMPLE what it means to be in a healthy marriage. Two people who truly love one another and who aren’t afraid to express that love.
When the children aren’t around – have a little fun texting one another. Make promises and deals. The other day I promised a few things to Bill if he went out and brought me home a Starbucks drink. When he came home, he brought me two. That’s funny!!
We bought had a laugh about it when he showed me what he did, too! This is a lifelong journey – might as well walk together smiling and laughing and being a little mischievous, right?
Let It Go
Listen. I’m Italian and a Scorpio. I know a thing or two about holding a grudge. But sometimes, you just have to let it go. Whatever it is.
I’m always right. (no really) But do I want to live my life being right? Or do I want to live my life being happy? There’s a real powerful truth in that. I could spend my entire marriage trying to PROVE to my husband how WRONG he is ALL THE TIME or I could just take a deep breath, mutter to myself that I am right under my breath (like about where the garbage bags really belong) and move on.
I’m not saying not to stand your ground over REAL ISSUES. Of course, people need to argue through the tough stuff. But when you are fighting over who had the remote last and you know that he really did… does it honestly freaking matter? Sometimes it just doesn’t. I spent so many years being RIGHT that were wasted.
Now, I just take him for who he is and move on. We aren’t the same person and he isn’t going to do everything exactly how I want it to be done and that’s ok. Life goes on. There are bigger things happening in the world than the right way to load a dishwasher. Honestly!
Go Away Alone
Guys – this is for real. Get away without the kids. There are some people I know who proudly tell me that they have NEVER left their children EVER. They say it like I should look at them enviously. Like I should look at myself in a poor light and maybe reassess myself and my actions.
But you know what? I feel sorry for those people. I never TELL them that of course. But I really do! That means that those people don’t get to spend any time alone with their husbands – their mates – the love of their lives. Wow. How terrible.
If they can’t afford babysitting or if they have no family around to watch the kids – that’s one thing. But going away with your significant other should be an annual thing – a marriage requirement.
We all need a few days to unwind and do whatever we want to do with our husbands at whatever time we want and however we want. Catch my drift? We BOTH need that. And the kids will survive it! They really will!!! Nothing like finding yourself doing the happy dance in the ocean in the Dominican Republic. You can’t do that with three kids in tow. One of my best vacations ever!
Remember Who You Are
Why did you two get married? What did you do before you had kids? Do those things. Be that person. Did you used to go bowling or catch a movie every now and then? Then plan those dates. Plan it with the kids if you need to – but still do those things.
What about the crossword puzzle? Did you use to enjoy completing those on Sundays? Well, whip out your pen MAMA and get going! Don’t lose sight of who you are. You didn’t change jobs. You just took on a new role. You are now a multi-tasker. You are more.
You haven’t been replaced. Stay true to yourself and remember all the fun things that made you guys fall in love. And be all of that and then some.
Don’t fall for the daily grind because it’s a life suck and will KILL YOU. Ok, it won’t kill you but you know what I mean. What do you think? Do you have anything that you’d like to add? ** PS the shirt I am wearing is from Marriage Tees.