We’ve all been there.
That deep down slump – the one that feels too dark to escape.
The one that you drifted into without noticing.
The one that feels all too familiar.
I found myself surrounded by emptiness a few days ago and couldn’t muster the energy to rise above it.
It felt comfortable and safe and a little bit like home.
So, I burrowed in and forgot just about everything.
I allowed myself to be consumed by the darkness because every now and then I recognize I don’t deserve all the light.
Eventually, everybody needs a reset.
Eventually, everybody needs to remember who they really are.
And so – I remembered.
As masks fell
As tears fell
As hopes disappeared and dreams vanished – I remembered all the things I tucked away.
The whispers.
They returned – they live in the darkness, you see.
And their tune is a melody I could sing right on key.
After all, I’ve written their songs, haven’t I?
So – I lived through motion.
I fed my babies.
I worked.
I ran errands and chatted with friends.
All the while … empty inside.
My cracked mask barely holding on by a string.
I am hollow inside – but this feeling is not new.
I am a performer.
No one would notice the difference because I am a master on stage.
Heels on.
Lipstick on.
You have no idea who I am – do you?
But as I lived through my motions, I forced myself to see
See their laughing faces
See the safety within my walls
See the happiness that surrounds me
And I didn’t turn away – I looked at it all without blinking
And a piece of me buried deep down inside decided the darkness was on borrowed time
She couldn’t have me like before
As easy as it was to live within a quiet mind
Because the darkness does bring an absolute silence to my mind
It could not be the answer for much longer
So, I am rising.
Slowly
Daily
Consciously
It isn’t easy to wipe myself clean of her – but I am on the right path and freedom will soon be near.
We’ve all been there.
The second you feel part of it all again
That moment of release
I can almost taste it
Almost…
