I’m Not Strong Enough To Visit The Twin Towers Memorial Yet


The last time I stepped foot in downtown Manhattan was in 2002. The day I quit my job with Accenture and believe me when I say I’ve never looked back. 9/11 forever changed me – and while I won’t go into my story today – I will say that I haven’t fully recovered from it all. My father worked at the towers and went missing for hours. My husband lost a handful of friends (as they were staffed at the Towers while he was sent to do work in Chicago). ONE slight change and everything could have ended very differently for me and my family.

So, 9/11 shook me to the core. As I am sure it has shook you all as well.

I had a meeting on Broadway yesterday morning and took the train in to meet OutHouse. As I walked to my destination, I saw (for the first time) the construction/ the rebuilt / the rebirth of ground zero. And it stopped me in my tracks. I wanted to go over and see the memorial… but I just couldn’t. My last job was with Merrill Lynch and I would have to walk by the mourners, the photos of the missing, the construction crews digging and it broke me to pieces each and each and every morning. TO THE POINT WHERE I JUST QUIT.

Over a decade later and I’m still so scared.

And I know it’s been a long time. And I know that we have to move on from such things, but yesterday I was filled with anxiety the entire morning. Every time I drive through the Midtown Tunnel, I am CERTAIN that it will get attacked. Every time I get on a plane, I make peace with the fact that this might be my last ride. It’s so foolish to admit – but so very true.

I am still so very scared.

So, while I only got to see the construction from a distance, I am still glad that I did. One day I will make it there and I will bring my children.  I believe it’s important for us all to walk those new grounds at least once. Just not yet for me…

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  1. Corine wrote:

    I’ve been there. It is beautiful but definitely brings back sad and scary memories.

    I had to comment because since 9/11 I have the same feelings when I am driving through tunnels (if I get stuck in traffic- forget it!) and I do the SAME EXACT thing- making peace on every plane & yes, it totally feels crazy to think that way.

    Posted 3.8.12
  2. MICHELLE S wrote:

    I have no “real” connection to the towers aside from being an American citizen, but I know I would break down and be in “awe” of the site. Ten years later it still hasn’t hit me that it happened; I was watching the ten year memorial and still couldn’t believe it was real.

    (entry for the $125 visa giveaway).

    Posted 3.8.12
  3. Wendy T wrote:

    I understand fear and anxiety.

    I supported my late daughter through 8 years with her brain cancer. To this day, if I hear a siren and my son is not home, I am almost certain it’s an ambulance being called for him as something horrible has happened.

    In my case, it’s PTSD.

    Your post resonated with me.

    Comment is acting as entry for Eucerin contest.
    Thank you.

    Posted 3.8.12

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