These last few months have been simply eye opening. Magical. Weight lifting if you will.
You have to hit rock bottom in order to start fresh again, right? That’s the only way out. It has to hurt so much that you crave the change. You have to get to the point where it’s literally impossible to keep walking on the same path. Insanity is defined as doing the wrong thing over and over again… and then doing it again. Well, I’ve been insane for almost a decade.
I realized this year that it’s my time to make some changes. I realized this year that it’s my time to take back control of my life – every aspect of it. Even the littlest things that seem so frivolous… I need to do those things again because they make me happy. And I should do the things that make me happy, right? Well, you should too.
When I started to have children, habits that defined me were suddenly no longer part of my life. Looking at these things from the outside – in, they might look unimportant. But they were part of who I was as a human being.
These pleasures were removed because my entire being became about the kids. Who had time to think about the little things? I had diapers to change and mouths to feed.
Nine years and three kids later, I am ready to redefine myself as the person I WAS. I am still a mother. I am still a wife. But I will always be ME underneath my new roles. I need to remember that. You need to remember that too.
Your first task on this mission that I am taking you on — is to bring back those small rewards that make up your composition.
For me, that meant a few things. My main reward? Listening to music again. Simple right? I grew up on music. Music was always on. My father – even though I don’t talk about him much – was a musician. I grew up with notes surrounding me. But when I had kids, I just stopped including music in my life. Instead, I made sure the kids had on what they wanted. Again – completely normal.
But not really. Because… even though a mother should give her children everything, she should still leave some for herself.
I downloaded about 40 songs this week and have been playing these songs whenever possible. At night, while I’m working (like right now), they are blasting in my ears through headphones. In the car, while I am running to the supermarket, they are booming through bluetooth. And then while I am walking up and down the aisles shopping my list, I am humming as long as well. And I am smiling, people. Why? Because music fills my heart. It’s such a small reward. It’s so silly if you really think about it, but it is making me happy and isn’t that the point of it all? To find what makes you whole?
What makes you happy? Think about it. I’m not talking about something HUGE like a cruise. I’m talking about a hot cup of tea at night… or the Sunday crossword puzzle. Something small. What have you stopped doing that used to fill you? If you come up with three different rewards, consider including them all.
Need some help thinking about small rewards:
- bubble bath
- nightly tea
- reading books
- magazine subscriptions
- meeting friends for drinks
- walking / running
These are just some ideas that are in my world. I can’t figure out the things in your life that you’ve loved and lost. But you know what they are. As you are reading this post, you are remembering. I highly suggest you take a minute and write down the things you miss because if you do, you are more likely to act on it.
Another SUPER SILLY thing that I used to do all the time but I haven’t done in ages — are you ready for this?? — carry Tic Tacs. Ridiculous right? A few weeks ago, I went to my local Dollar Store and bought my two favorite flavors and threw them right in my purse. I’ve been enjoying them at leisure ever since. I used to carry Cinnamon and Winter Green on me at all times – every single day of my life – from high school all the way up to about 2005. Do you understand what I am saying here? For 14 straight years, I had this habit that I utterly loved and enjoyed. Then I had children and couldn’t get my act together. I just stopped because I thought it wasn’t important enough. I didn’t have the energy that was needed to maintain the habit, so it just stopped.
And I missed it.
Tic Tacs! Why is she talking about Tic Tacs? Because my Tic Tacs could be your glass of red wine at night! The point is still the same. Remember who you were and become her again. She’s still in there. She’s still important. She’s waiting to be validated. She’s waiting to be remembered. It’s her time to shine again and we are going to let her through by completing this To-Do list.
We started out easy. Why? Because I’m not going to get you to fall backwards into my arms on the first day. These are small steps. You still don’t even know if you want to do this yet, right? I know this task is easy enough that you will participate even if you aren’t sure.
I would love for you to share your thoughts about #ProjectMeAgain on social media because I was lost for a really long time and I know that I’m not the only one. I think that we can all look back to look ahead with clearer eyes and hearts.
If you’d like to share what you started to do this week, use the hashtag #ProjectMeAgain on Instagram or Twitter and please tag me – @VeraSweeney. And remember, nothing is silly! I told you about Tic Tacs!! It doesn’t get any smaller than that – literally!
Check back for your next task in a few days. I am going to give everyone some time to complete each step because I really want you on board. #ProjectMeAgain has me lighter, happier — in every aspect of my life. And I want to share this feeling.
I blog for so many different reasons. I blog because I love fashion. Because I love to travel. Because I love to write. And I blog because I hope in some way to help readers get through things that I went through. Whether it’s dealing with my son’s appendix, or my combined 15 months of bed rest, or getting back on track with weight loss – I share it all online because I know someone out there might need to read it. If you need to find yourself again, I hope this blog series will help you in some way.