Daily Diary: Love, Loss, And Learning To Be A Better Person

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Here’s a pretty personal post. Ready?

I’ve been surrounded by death lately. And it’s third party death. No one particularly close to me. People that I know – their friends. I’m not going to get into their stories… because they aren’t my stories to tell. But I’ve heard of 4 sudden passings over the last 10 days or so.

At first, I thought that it was just because I finally reached an age where more people die around me than are born. You know we will all get there at some point…

Then, I thought it was some freak coincidence. Bus accidents, cancers, overdose. Too different though. I don’t see a connection.

Finally, I stopped trying to make sense of it all and took it for face value. People die. It’s part of life.

So, what’s the lesson.

The lesson is to stop fighting with my husband.

The lesson is to get down on the floor and start playing with my children.

The lesson is to slow the **** down and smell the roses…. despite being allergic.

The lesson is to get more sleep, to eat better, to vacation more, to laugh more, to love more, to surround myself with people that are doing the same exact thing.

The lesson is live in the moment. To be in the moment. To remember that this moment is a gift. And tomorrow might not come. Sure, that might sound a bit morbid … but I’m old enough to register that it’s true.

A man who was driving a little too fast and crashed. Did he think he had more time? Absolutely. Now his children are alone. His wife is confused. And everyone is turned upside down.

If he could, what would he do with his time if he was offered it again?

I don’t know why, but I feel like I have to live my life the right way in honor of all this loss. I’ve been shaken. Too much death. And again – not anyone that I DIRECTLY knew. It’s once removed – each time. A friend’s friend. A cousin’s friend. Not anyone that I have to go to a funeral for. But it’s still too much to process. Too many children left alone. That’s all I keep thinking about — the children.

What if my children were left without me? What memories would I want to leave them with? Me on the computer all damn day? Or me running with them at the park?

I don’t know. Things have to change. I feel like I’m going through a mid-life crisis. Maybe I am. After all, I am only a few years away from 40.

Whatever you do… don’t let me buy a Harley.  

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  1. Sarah wrote:

    I can definitely relate.

    I lost my 22 year old brother very suddenly from a berry aneurysm and my mother a few years later, then my 21 year old cousin the following year. It was and still is very hard to process. The birth of our 3rd child has changed us though as a family — in the best possible ways. We removed gaming and tv from our daily routine (limited to 1 hr a day) and just spend time together. I reserve any work I have to do with my blog until everyone has gone to bed at night. Life is too short and unpredictable – I just want to soak up every minute that I have with the people that I love. At the end of the day that’s all that really matters.

    Posted 4.11.14

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