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A Breast Cancer Scare And What It Feels Like To Get Your First Mammogram

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I didn’t blog about this when it actually happened because I was in quite a shock for a few weeks. It was probably the scariest moment of my life and in a single instant I realized how quickly everything could change in my imperfect little world.

At my 6 week checkup after having Caleb, my doctor found several large lumps in my left breast. Within 2 minutes, she had me getting dressed and in her office as she called upstairs to squeeze me in for a mammogram. It was urgent. She “wasn’t going to let me leave the building until I had it checked out”.

I sat there in silence trying so hard not to cry because I was all by myself. I thought it was going to be a routine checkup. I went alone. Bill was home with the baby. I was going to go to Starbucks after my appointment was over. It was all supposed to be easy. But it suddenly turned into something much more.

“You’re freaking me out”, I told my doctor as I tried my hardest to hold back my tears. “I’m sorry. There’s no way to sugarcoat this my dear”, was her reply.

And so within 10 minutes I was in front of another receptionist handing in my info. And then I waited. Because I didn’t have a proper appointment. And I texted my husband until my phone died. He searched online for answers. I read and read and read trying to find some solace in the waiting room.

When it was my turn to finally go in I was told that I couldn’t have a mammogram because I just gave birth. I had to wait at least a few more months before getting on the books but they would do a sonogram instead.

She checked and found that my left breast was FILLED with large cysts. Mass after mass that I never felt. A little TMI – but my left breast is slightly larger than my right and I just thought that was me being unsymmetrical.  The good news? They were nothing to worry about. Probably something that I was born with. Probably something that I will always have. They don’t have to come out. They will not bother me. Large breasted women are prone to them. It’s all good. (And PS – my mom has them too I found out later)

When I got home and walked in the door I collapsed into my husband’s arms. We cried. Because it was such a scary morning. Those three hours could have permanently altered the course of our lives. It would have taken one test result to shift our lives forever … or to potentially end mine.

While I was waiting for my turn in the doctor’s office I kept thinking to myself…. “this is how I’m going to go. this is how HE is going to take me.” Even now I’m starting to cry because I accepted it for those few instances. I wrote myself off. I gave back the keys and kept thinking about how I would haunt my children until they were old and grey so I could still be part of their lives.

But again – it was all good. I made an appointment (for yesterday) to come back and do a proper mammogram. They said 5 months after giving birth was enough time to heal before doing the test. And honestly… it wasn’t as bad as everyone says.

There’s 4 squishes. One breast at a time. The top to bottom squish hardly hurts at ALL. I was like… THIS IS IT???? The breast is placed on a glass plate and then it is pressed but not FLAT LIKE A PANCAKE like I was told. It’s pressed a bit. I am a 36C – so I don’t know if that makes a difference? But honestly – I was like… really?

The sideways squish I FELT but after childbirth it wasn’t a big deal. LOL! And besides – it’s for about 5 seconds a breast. Hold your breath if you need you. Stop letting people get you all riled up about the pain. It will be fine.

Luckily, I don’t have to go back for 5 years. I’m only 35. I thought she was going to make me go back once a year from this point – but my mammo showed that some of the cysts actually went AWAY which was great news. There was no concern at all and that made me (and my husband) very, very happy.

Have you had a mammogram before? Did you tolerate the pain??

Susan

Friday 9th of August 2013

Dear Vera, So glad everything turned out okay, but that is one of the scariest times of our lives and those moments seem like an eternity. Glad you shared your story so maybe it will be a wakeup call to others to take care of themselves. Enjoy your family and thanks again for all you share with us - both good and not so good.

Vera

Friday 9th of August 2013

thank you! i was hoping it would make people think twice about getting their mammo done. it's a must-do for women and there's so much fear surrounding it!

Jo-Lynne {Musings of a Housewife}

Friday 9th of August 2013

Oh Vera, how terrifying!! I have not had my baseline. I am 41 and I got the script last year... I've been putting it off. I'm not afraid, necessarily, just don't want to bother. You're making me want to go in right now and get it over with. I am SO glad you got good news.

Vera

Friday 9th of August 2013

thanks Jo-Lynne. GO and get it over it! It's not that bad. And at least you will know!

nilsa

Thursday 8th of August 2013

I had a lumpectomy done on each breast 7 years ago.Today, I feel more lumps. I was going to ignore them, but after this post. I'm going to follow up. Thank you for sharing your story

Vera

Friday 9th of August 2013

so scary - never ignore. always good just to check it out. thank you for your comment!

Dana

Thursday 8th of August 2013

I am so sorry you went through that. It had to have been hell. Two weeks after I'd been diagnosed with colo/rectal cancer they found suspicious micro-calcifications in my right breast. They did another mammogram to make sure it was there and then I had to have a biopsy. I told my surgeon that I metabolize local anesthetics very quickly but he didn't give me enough and it wore off before he was through with the biopsy. Anyway it ws two very long weeks before I found out that it wasn't cancer. We'd been reeling over me being diagnosed with cancer, it came out of nowhere! Then this. The longest two weeks of my life! I was lucky that I only had stage 1 colo/rectal cancer and I'm ok now but that two weeks forever changed me; just as the initial diagnosis changed me. I ca't imagine what it was like for you and Bill. Having such young children had to have made it even worse! I'm so glad it's only cysts!

Vera

Friday 9th of August 2013

Oh DANA!!! what a story - I am so glad that your mammo came out clear. The waiting is the worst part.

Thank goodness you are in clear with colo/rectal cancer. That must have been horrific!!

Corine

Thursday 8th of August 2013

SO scary. I am glad everything is ok.

I've never had a mammogram, but my mother has had 2 scares. I took her for her second biopsy and had very sad, scary worst case scenario situations running through my head the whole time we waited. Thankfully, she too is ok!

Vera

Friday 9th of August 2013

its the waiting game. our minds are our worst enemies. kept repeating what life would be like for my kids without me. of course i am worst case scenario kinda girl

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