I have issues.
Well, isn’t that what this entire series is about? My ISSUES. No, seriously. I’m not sure there will ever be a point in my life where I will be satisfied. And that’s not a good thing. Someone told me once that there was a study that proved that successful people are inherently never satisfied. Now… please… I’m not saying that I’m successful by any means. But I strive to be. And I think that drive in me always makes me want MORE. More of whatever it is.
My house is amazing. I grew up in Astoria and that house was amazing too – believe me. But my room was LITERALLY A WALK IN CLOSET THAT WAS CONVERTED INTO A BEDROOM. And I’m not trying to be funny. It ACTUALLY was a closet. If you went to my mother’s house today, you will find that she converted it back to a closet ONCE AGAIN. I couldn’t have more than two people in there at a time. We used to put sheets up over our doorways when the air conditioner was on so it would actually cool the house. My house would shake every single time a huge truck would drive over the Triborough bridge because I lived across the street from it. But it my life and I loved it… and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
And now… now I live in suburbia. The land of green lawns, picket fences and huge oak trees. A picturesque view if there ever was one. I have multiple bedrooms AND bathrooms and my children have an entire basement filled with toys. Am I happy? Yes. I’m happy. But all I think about is how I wish I had an office. And how I wish I had another room for Caleb so the kids could each have their own bedrooms. I wish. I wish. I wish.
Never happy. Even though I am happy. But if only I could JUST have A LITTLE more.
I’m tired of the wanting… I wish I was just content with what I had. Will that ever happen?? I’m not so sure.
To build out an extra bedroom and an extra office would literally put us in debt. Can we SURVIVE without them? OF COURSE. We are doing it right now. Caleb and Liam are roommates and the world keeps spinning. I’m writing this post while sitting on my bed and the sun is still shining.
But if only…
UGH! I don’t think I will ever be able to shake off the want. The want has a pretty tight grip on me. And even if I satisfied the want, another want will just take its place…. This much I know is true.