Mom? Can we go to the beach today?
No honey — I have a lot of work that I have to catch up on. Plus, Caleb really needs shoes. So, we have to go to the mall and go shopping for him.
Well, can’t you just do all those things and we can go have fun with dad?
Dagger… meet heart. I am the worker bee. I am the one that hustles to keep this house afloat and my husband is the one who gets to have all the fun. This isn’t true of course. Bill does a boat load of work as well. He handles a huge lump of all that we do, but it doesn’t have to happen during business hours per se. So, it just FEELS like I am working all the time and he is playing all the time. Especially in the summer — that’s when it kills me the most. The kids wake up and want to do a million things, but my schedule hasn’t changed just because their schedule has.
Don’t get me wrong — I lighten up big time during July and August. But when work comes in, I can’t say no. I don’t have a steady job. You take it as it happens because it might not happen for a while. That sense of unsteadiness is daunting. What if? What if I don’t get any work for a few months? Will we be able to survive it? That fear usually keeps me saying yes. And all those gigs pile up into one huge anxiety attack when it gets overwhelming. But like I said — I can’t say no. Once you start saying no, they will find someone who will say yes and you are scratched off the list.
I took 11AM and on off yesterday which is HUGE for me. But they needed it. I needed it. Today, I cannot do that again. I have three big projects that I need to work on and that is a non-negotiable. So, no beach today my love. I’m sorry to disappoint. I feel like I always disappoint. I guess that’s the role of mom, right?
The kids and Bill are food shopping now thank goodness. They are out buying me supplies for a post I have to do. So, they are lightening my load which I am grateful for. TEAM EFFORT!!
Crappy mom. Instead of the beach they are at Stop N Shop buying me blog supplies. Sort of the same thing, right? Sand between their toes VS. the cereal aisle. UGH.
After shoe shopping maybe we will try to make it to the beach after all. This is what I end up doing. Overdoing. Until I run myself into the ground. No wonder I suffer from migraines. I try to live three lives at once. My brain can’t process them all. Who do you want to be today? You can’t be them all. But I have to…