Skip to Content

50 Funny Quotes From Robert California In The Office

Robert California, the enigmatic character portrayed by James Spader in the hit television series “The Office,” is a captivating figure known for his unconventional leadership style, mysterious personality, and above all, his ability to deliver unforgettable quotes. 

From profound philosophical musings to audacious statements that leave his colleagues perplexed, Robert California’s words have become legendary within the show’s fandom. His unique blend of charm, manipulation, and intellect results in a collection of memorable lines that not only showcase his character’s complexity but also add a touch of intrigue and humor to the series. 

Robert California’s knack for delivering great quotes has solidified his status as one of the most intriguing characters in the show’s history.

Who Is Robert California?

Robert California is a fictional character from the television series “The Office” (US version). He is portrayed by actor James Spader. Robert California is introduced in the eighth season of the show as the new CEO of Dunder Mifflin Sabre, the company that owns the Scranton branch where the series is primarily set.

Robert California is depicted as a charismatic and enigmatic figure known for his unconventional leadership style and philosophical musings. He is often manipulative and tends to make grandiose statements that perplex those around him. Despite his eccentricities, he is also portrayed as highly intelligent and insightful.

While he is initially hired as the CEO, Robert California later convinces the company’s board to give him the position of the Sabre branch manager, essentially demoting Andy Bernard, the previous manager. Robert’s character brings a unique dynamic to the show and is known for his memorable quotes and intriguing personality.

50 quotes from Robert California

Here are 50 memorable quotes from Robert California:

  1. “There’s something about an underdog that really inspires the unexceptional.”
  2. “Fear plays an interesting role in our lives. How dare we let it motivate us? How dare we let it into our decision-making, into our livelihoods, into our relationships? It’s funny, isn’t it? We take a day a year to dress up in costumes and celebrate fear.”
  3. “There is something inside of me that is so… driven.”
  4. “I’m the fucking lizard king.”
  5. “I will not be blackmailed by some ineffectual, privileged, effete, soft-penised debutante.”
  6. “I’m always thinking one step ahead. Like a carpenter that makes stairs.”
  7. “I don’t believe in walls. I find them repulsive.”
  8. “In the animal world, dominance is achieved by mating. The alpha male…gets to mate with the alpha female anytime he wants. So yes, I have slept with my subordinates. I have slept with my superiors. I’ve slept with accountants, lawyers, saleswomen, interns, janitors, and receptionists.”
  9. “I’m always two steps ahead, like a carpenter that builds stairs.”
  10. “Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney, because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.”
  11. “Spader is the lizard king. I am the f**king lizard king.”
  12. “Everything is sex. Do you know that? Sex is power.”
  13. “I want to build a team. I want to take a group of winners and teach them to be better winners. I want to create an environment that is so toxic.”
  14. “There is something about an office supply that just reduces us to children.”
  15. “When the world turns its back on you, you turn your back on the world.”
  16. “The human mind is a scary place. I mean, we’re all getting to know each other better, and it’s getting dangerous.”
  17. “Let me tell you something. The mind is limitless.”
  18. “What is sexier than a businesswoman? Well, a lot of things. But they are up there.”
  19. “When I was 18, I spent a summer fighting wildfires in Colorado. And what I soon realized was that these firefighters, these good-looking, strong, brave men, they were just children.”
  20. “Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.”
  21. “We need to remember what’s important in life: friends, waffles, and work. Or waffles, friends, work. Doesn’t matter, but work is third.”
  22. “A good manager doesn’t fire people. He hires people and inspires people. People, Ryan.”
  23. “You don’t even know my real name. I’m the f**king Lizard King.”
  24. “I’m unconvicted.”
  25. “There are two types of people in this world: winners and losers.”
  26. “The eyes are the groin of the face.”
  27. “There is no such thing as a product. Don’t ever think there is. There is only sex. Everything is sex.”
  28. “I’m very comfortable with long silences.”
  29. “Why don’t we do a little call-and-response? I say ‘power,’ and you say ‘true.’ Power?”
  30. “Life is long. But life is also short.”
  31. “It’s not about sex, it’s about power.”
  32. “I find your face repulsive.”
  33. “We don’t need all this corporate crap to dazzle us. All we need are the bare essentials.”
  34. “I am beyond sex. Sex is not the way I fly.”
  35. “Are you here for the murders? They happened years ago, and I’m only guilty of some.”
  36. “What if I told you there is no one there?”
  37. “I’m like a sexual snowflake. Each night with me is a unique experience.”
  38. “Some people call me the Lizard King. I don’t know why, I don’t really… like… lizards.”
  39. “I will not be muzzled.”
  40. “I will be the most powerful person in the world by the end of this call.”
  41. “Everything I say is a lie. And that’s the truth.”
  42. “I don’t want this to end, but I also really want it to end.”
  43. “Do you know how much time I waste in this place waiting for people to get to the point?”
  44. “I’m James Spader.”
  45. “If a mind can do it, a body can do it.”
  46. “There’s something about death that is comforting. The thought that you could die tomorrow frees you to appreciate your life now.”
  47. “My darkest secrets? Oh, Stanley, you’ll never know them all.”
  48. “I’m not a man, I’m a god.”
  49. “When you’re a star, they let you do it.”
  50. “Welcome to the goddamn lizard’s lair.”

Please note that some of these quotes may contain strong language or explicit content as they are direct quotes from the character.

What are some fun facts about Robert California?

As an avid Office fan, getting a refresher on some of my favorite characters is always nice. Did you know:

  1. Robert California’s full name is Robert California. He does not have a revealed last name during his time on “The Office.”
  2. The character of Robert California was introduced in the eighth season of “The Office” as a replacement for Michael Scott, who was played by Steve Carell.
  3. Robert California is portrayed by actor James Spader, who won three Emmy Awards for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series for his role on the legal drama “Boston Legal.”
  4. Before joining Dunder Mifflin Sabre as CEO, Robert California was depicted as a former executive at a different company who convinced the board members to hire him for the CEO position.
  5. Robert California has a mysterious and enigmatic personality, often making profound and philosophical statements that confuse or intrigue his colleagues.
  6. Throughout his time on the show, Robert California displays a strong interest in psychology and human behavior, often using his insights to manipulate and influence others.
  7. Robert California has a reputation for his unconventional leadership style, which includes creating a toxic work environment and engaging in unorthodox practices.
  8. The character of Robert California was well-received by fans and critics alike, largely due to James Spader’s portrayal and the intriguing dynamic he brought to the show.
  9. Robert California’s character was initially intended to be a temporary replacement for Michael Scott, but he ended up staying on the show for the remainder of the eighth season and made guest appearances in the ninth season.
  10. Despite his eccentricities and questionable actions, Robert California occasionally shows moments of vulnerability and offers genuine insights into the lives of his colleagues.

Whether you loved Jim Halpert, Dwight Schrute, Bob Kazamakis, Pam Beesly, or Kelly Kapoor, one thing is sure – watching The Office was not a waste of your time.  These Office quotes are some of the funniest ever written. As a matter of fact, passing these along to a fan of the TV show would be the perfect gift.  Why not send it to your regional manager or your biggest client? Better yet, say them all in a silly voice during a dinner party and have a wild evening with friends. 

There’s nothing more rewarding than saying a movie quote, famous quotes, or love quotes and having someone else GET YOU. Test these out for the first time and have yourself a good time. Just like in the good old days. 


Saturday 22nd of January 2011

How do you try and get your blogger friends to go with you on a business trip. I am sure it is all in the way you present it but if they wanted them there wouldn't they have asked them??


Thursday 20th of January 2011

I'm so excited for you! So much going on! You work hard and deserve all of the positive energy flowing your way! :)

Crossing my fingers that the cruise is a success! Can't wait to hear about it all!


Thursday 20th of January 2011

Hey Vera,

I'm a first time commenter, long time reader of INO and all of your other newer sites. I pretty much love them all, keep up the good work! Anywho, I'm so excited you're going to be in my neck of the woods in good ole Utah! I live in Salt Lake City, so if you get any extra passes to any fun events in Park City let me know :) Hope you have a great time!

Comments are closed.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.