A Year Long Gone

Best year of my life: First week of school

First week of school.

Last week of school.

Best year of my life: Last week of school

Natalie turned eleven this month. She colored her hair blue. Well, I colored her hair blue. She got a phone. She found a fantastic group of “beasties” as she likes to call them. What I’m trying to say is… my girl is growing.

Liam, thankfully, is still into the same type of things. Soccer. Minecraft. Farting. But he proved himself this school year academically. We’ve never been prouder.

They are defining themselves. They are creating boundaries. They are building up borders, but we still have a key for entry. I recognize this and am so thankful for the time I still have left in their circle.

The teenage years are coming. Their childhood ones are fleeting. I am the only constant and I find myself praying for powers over time. Knowing those will never come … but still wishing on moons and shooting stars.

Why does this have to end?

Because that’s life and my mind understands this…but my heart is pleading for the impossible.

Imagine what my mother feels.

Imagine what her mother feels.

I already know… though I am sure they would say differently. Every year, I feel more joy and more pain than the one before. It compounds exponentially.  I become capable of holding onto more love but recognize that I am saying goodbye to the best years of my life. It’s hard when you are so aware. I KNOW that I am living through the best years of my life. I know that while my children are this young – that I will experience more joy and love than any other time in my life. This isn’t something I will figure out later in life. I am fully embracing this concept TODAY. So, to say goodbye to a year when it ends is just a sad, sad thing for me. While I feel so blessed to welcome an 11-year-old, I really wish I could kiss my 10-year-old one more time.

So is motherhood.

Embrace each moment. Create many memories. Take as many pictures as I can and always tell my children that they are my everything… even when they are no longer children. This is the plan. This is the promise.

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  1. Sophie wrote:

    Hey Vera, I feel you, watching children become more and more independent is a really emotional time. It’s hard to believe their personalities are done forming during their fifth year of life, hence why I made sure to never hit them and always negotiate.

    Posted 6.29.16

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