When You Start Putting Yourself First
I NEVER thought I’d see the day. EVER. I was the girl who absolutely hated gym class. The one who would practically fail because she wouldn’t be able to do a single push up. Not one. I was thin but I wasn’t fit. Very deceptive.
Well, it really never mattered to me because I had a pretty good metabolism… but after three kids things have changed. For the last few years, I haven’t been so happy with my shape. My weight has been OK, but the SHAPE of my body has made me become very self conscious. I know how to dress around my imperfections. I’m a master at deception. Like – for instance – this picture is much better side ways than straight on because I am WIDE. But from the side, you can’t really tell that. I know what I’m doing, people.
I’m no longer a size 10 – that took me a really long time after baby number 3. Now I’m hovering between a SUPER TIGHT 6 and an OK 8. But that’s not where I want to end up. I want to be a comfortable 6. That’s all fine and dandy, but this goal doesn’t have anything to do with size in the long run.
I’m not having anymore children, so my body is my own again.
I want to feel good.
I want to be strong.
I want to run a half marathon.
I want to be a role model for my children.
I want to do this for myself.
I want to put myself first again.
I want to love myself.
I want to honor myself.
And after all these years of TALKING ABOUT DOING THIS – I’m ACTUALLY DOING IT.
Friends will know this is BANANAS. I am not THIS PERSON. Having Hashimotos disease – I suspect – has played a major part in my exhaustion and laziness. But now that I am aware of this issue, I’m trying so very hard to stay on top of it all. I’m eating differently. I’m resting more. I’m researching solutions. I’m actually caring about me. No more back burner.
In my heart of hearts, I’ve always wanted to be a runner. I’ve read over and over again that it clears the mind and I so desperately need that. My brain can think two different streams of thought at once at any given time. If I can quiet one stream down, the other still continues. My brain is always on overdrive. I’m not manic… but sometimes it feels that way. And I have read that running releases things into your body that tames the mind.
I KNOW that this is the routine I need to include in my life. However, I am SO OUT OF SHAPE that I can barely walk up a flight of stairs. BUT I’m NOT LETTING THAT STOP ME ANYMORE. I started out with 5 minutes, then 10 and now I’m up to 25 minutes on the treadmill a day. Most of it I walk… but every now and then I pick up a slow jog. My heart gets up to 175. I feel like I’m going to die… but I’m freaking doing it. Eventually, I know that I will get better. My body will adjust and that’s what keeps me going.
A healthy heart.
My children are watching… and they are starting to run around too. When I run around, they run around. When I jog in place as I watch TV, they start dancing. When I get on the floor to do sit ups, they get down with me to do the same. It’s contagious. Heck, my husband even said last night he is going to start his routine up and claimed he is going to begin a “low carb” eating routine. The last time he did that, he lost 65 pounds.
All in it – one family. One mind. One healthy future. All because I put myself first.