I haven’t done a personal post in quite some time… but with good reason. I’ve been taking it EASY. On Natalie’s birthday, something happened. A shift in consciousness. I’ve given it some time thinking that I would readjust to my manic self, but it isn’t happening.
It’s like I’ve been reborn and I know this sounds so dramatic, but I really feel like a different person. All of my friends are joking with me just waiting for my old self to manifest. They are doing this because I go through this about 3 times a year. I want to quit everything once I get too overwhelmed and then things ease up and I start piling on the work. It’s my cycle… but I’ve broken it.
- I get a lot of opportunities mailed to me from PR agencies – at least 3 a week that are compensated – and I’ve started to say no to them all.
- I’ve quit Deal Obsessed because I can’t do that site on my own and have it be the way it’s supposed to be. I’ve let it go and I’m ok with it.
- I’ve stopped trying to be the coupon queen and have gone back to just doing CVS.
- I’ve said no to two fantastic trips (which maybe I regret a little) but still have writers going in my place. So, there will be coverage – it just won’t be through me.
- I’ve started to eat breakfast with my children (haven’t EVER DONE THAT during the week because of my early morning schedule) – isn’t this sad?
- I’ve hired a full time writer on INO to take care of the mornings so I don’t have to write that shift anymore.
- I’ve slowed down on all commitments.
- I’ve laughed with my children.
- I’ve started drinking (no really). lol
- I’ve gone to pool every single day this week.
- I’ve taken up tennis and got all my friends to play as well.
- I’ve realized what life is really about.
I don’t know what I was trying to prove. It’s impossible to run 5 separate businesses as an individual and expect all of them to run at full speed. Well, I guess it’s possible, but something would have to give. And that GIVE was my children… which is so unfair.
I am so thankful that I woke up while they are still young. I don’t need to rule the world. That’s not what it’s about. I need to earn enough money to live a simple life with my family, and that’s it. I do this through I’m Not Obsessed. It’s taken care of. Everything else is excess and I much rather spend a full day with my kids at the park than a full day behind the computer on conference calls.
I’m not a company. I’m just one person. No matter how much I try to pretend otherwise – this is my limitation. So, as of the 17th of June, I’ve accepted it and I now own it. And I am such a happier person because of it.
I’m going to blink and my children are going to be in High School and I want them to remember me as part of their lives – not as some psycho in the basement always chasing the next buck and break. That’s not what’s important.
I’m also leaning on Bill more. Certain parts of my job that don’t necessarily have to be done by me are now done by him. He’s my partner and I’m finally comfortable enough to share the load. It took a while to let go of that control, because I can get very territorial / manic / obsessive over my projects. But once again, I’m over it.
Today is a new day.
And I feel good about it all. I know my children feel good about it. They’ve spent more time with me this month than they have in the last three. I’m PRESENT. Not on the phone checking emails. I’m there – with them – in the moment.
Today is a new day. Today is a new day. Today is a new day.
And I know I’m disappointing people because of this shift, but I have to remember that my kids come first. You can easily get caught up in it all. I mean – there are some SICK opportunities that I am turning down. I didn’t go interview Jim Carrey, Nicole Richie and Jennifer Garner in May / June alone. All had trips attached to them – expenses paid. But what’s more important? A sit down with Jim? Or seeing my son graduate pre-k?
I don’t want to be famous. That was never the intention. So, why all of this excess? Why all of this energy and effort if I don’t want what will come out of it? If I told you about two opportunities that I turned down – you would fall on the floor. I’m taking NATIONAL exposure… but for what? It’s not for me.
What I want is to learn how to play tennis like a pro (not kidding). What I want is to travel the world. What I want is to have enjoyable experiences with my family. What I want is to have my kids know that their mommy loves them. And me flying to LA for two nights for a movie premiere just isn’t giving me any of that.
I’m letting it go… and not looking back.
***** This isn’t a post bashing working mothers. I’m not saying anything against women who work. I know some people will read it that way. I would work from 7 in the morning to 10 at night every single day. I’m only talking about my situation. Don’t read this in any other way. I’m not trying to make anyone defensive. I’m just talking about my personal situation. There’s no judgement because I can guarantee we don’t have the same schedules. My work never ended. There was always another gig to go after, to write, to fly to. It’s excessive and some people might enjoy that – I say kudos to them for having the strength I don’t own. Please don’t think I’m saying anything negative about anyone -because that’s not the point of this post.