Running Myself Straight To The Ground
Have any of you read ‘The Alchemist’? It’s one of my favorite books because the main message is one that I have to keep reminding myself about day in and day out. Everything you ever wanted is already in your hands.
Everything I want is at home – my kids, my husband, my family and friends. They aren’t half way across the country at some press event. They are here. It’s so sad that I remember this message AFTER I’m thousands of miles away from my heart.
I keep getting caught in this vicious cycle. I do a bunch of events for work. I get really excited about the possibilities. I actually go and then get wiped out because I’m not the healthiest person and the travel, stress, agenda kills. I miss my kids. I wonder why I decided to go in the first place. I promise myself I won’t accept any more offers. I stay home for a few weeks. I forget. I get another opportunity. I hop right back on the plane. And it starts all over again.
It’s hard because when I’m actually working at these functions, I’m enjoying myself. I met so many fabulous women. I LOVE meeting other bloggers. I LOVE meeting women who I would have NEVER met otherwise. I LOVE hearing different accents from around the country and listening to personal stories and successes. I am most certainly a people person, but I am also a mother with young children who KNOWS that I should really be home with them instead of having all this fun.
And I’m not saying I don’t think I should have fun because I am a mom, but I don’t think I should be taking so many trips and leaving them with Bill just to further my career. That’s not why I started blogging. I don’t want to further my career. I am very happy with where I am right now and don’t’ want to break out to the next level. Others do. Others thrive on the success. I feel very content with where I am. l’ve proved myself to myself and that’s all that matters. I earn enough to be able to stay home with the kids. That’s all I ever wanted.
Man this is a brain dump… and I’m crying.
On Saturday I had a Christmas BBQ for some friends from town. On Monday I had the Santa dinner with my family. On Monday I flew to Chicago. On Tuesday I flew back home and have a trip to San Diego planned for Friday.
It’s just not going to happen. There is NO way I’ll physically going to be able to do a trip like that just to return Sunday at noon. It’s not like I am a consultant and my boss is forcing me to go on a quick trip like this. I have a friend who had to travel to California on Monday and that sucks – but he has to because his business needed him to. I don’t need to do anything. I don’t know why I keep saying yes!
Because there are spa visits, and amazing dinners, and wonderful experiences laced into the trip. It’s never all business. It’s FUN. It really is a BLAST once I’m there. But what I’m sacrificing isn’t worth it. My health, time with my kids, time with my husband. My REAL job which is I’m Not Obsessed. Whenever I don’t work I lose about 20,000 pageviews. It’s constant. When I write I can guarantee that many more visits. So when I take off I know I am doing a disservice to that site, and the more I go away the more that site will suffer. And that site is my number one priority.
Not a free spa trip. No matter how badly my back needs a hot stone massage. 🙂 Besides, this time around I was going to bring Bill and we had to pay for his ticket. So in the end, if I really wanted to go to the spa, I can just use the money I would have used on his flight. Not that I will, but if I ever needed to justify a visit, there’s the answer.
My throat is killing me. I always get sick when I get stressed out. Traveling makes me stressed out – so why do I keep doing it? I just don’t get it. It’s a tough wire to walk.
I’ve been really good about not going into the city anymore. The events that I get invited to are INSANE – but I finally wrapped my head around the fact that they aren’t worth it. It’s the gift bags that suck you in. That and the fact that you get to show face with other bloggers. But the ones that I am really friends with are the ones that I keep in touch with in other ways. So I let that go. It’s always nice to catch up, but it’s just not necessary anymore. I go in once every 2 months or so.
Now I have to do the same thing with these travel trips. I am definitely not going away this weekend. But there’s another one that I am supposed to do in a few weeks. By then I think I will feel a bit better about the whole thing, but moving forward I don’t think I am going to take many more. I say that now because it’s all fresh in my head.
I’m trying to convince myself while writing to you.
I’m hoping if I type it I will believe it.
There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.