I was staring out of my screen door this morning during a downpour and found myself sounding like a 90 year old man. What did I think as I watched the heaven’s open? It wasn’t disappointment. It wasn’t about how I was going to have a difficult time running errands throughout the day. It was about my grass.
It’s good for the grass.
That’s what I said in my head. And then I caught myself and realized that at the same time, my knees were hurting because of the storm and suddenly it became shockingly clear. I’m old. This isn’t fun. I’m no longer fun.
Where’s my robe? Find me a rocking chair. Let’s get this party started. Or better yet – don’t even invite me because there is no way I’m climbing on that bar and shaking my thang. I can’t even get on the bar without some assistance.
So – I’m owning it. I’m just going to own this new life of mine and give you a list of reasons why I know this is the truth. Me and fun? Not in the same sentence. Not anymore.
10 Reasons I Know I’m No Longer The Life Of The Party
10. When it rains, I say things like, “it’s good for the grass”.
9. My knees tell me it’s going to rain before the news does.
8. My husband and I spend more time talking about our bowel movements than we do about future vacations.
7. I have nothing to say to people who don’t have children.
6. I get overly excited when the supermarket circular gets delivered.
5. I talk about anticipating the supermarket circular all morning until it arrives to whoever will listen.
4. I play way too many Facebook games. Anyone want to connect on HayDay?
3. When I pick up a trash magazine, I literally have no idea who anyone is anymore except for the Kardashians.
2. I look at the clock to determine whether or not I can have that extra cup of caffeine. Is it after noon? Then it’s a no go. I’ll be up all night – too risky.
1. The thought of vacation leaves me dreaming of naps on the beach… not jet-skiing or scuba diving. I pay $3,000 a year so I can sleep and be away from the kids.