10 Reasons Why I Can’t Meet Up With You

I’m tired y’all. I spent two days in the city this week and I feel like I ran a marathon. What does that mean? Is 40 really a thing? I don’t know. I thought it was just a number??? Apparently not! I would love just to stay in bed all weekend long but… kids. You know, those three little balls of energy that I have to be responsible for until the day I die? They want to eat and go meet their friends and have fun… ugh. Parenting sometimes, amiright?

Ahhh – you know I’m teasing. My kids are the epicenter of my universe and they know it. Truth be told, most nights after a long day of work, I just want to cuddle with my bunch. Nothing fills me with more joy than having all of my family in my bed all on top of one another as we watch a movie together. That is the sweet spot. Joy fills my heart so much that I could almost taste it when we are all together like that!

I go out with friends. I feel like I do something every weekend? I don’t know if that’s true or not… it sure does FEEL that way. But if you ask me to go out and I decline the invitation, there are very good reasons why I can’t make it out. Like… legit, hardcore explanations. Here they are.

10 Reasons Why I Can’t Meet Up With You

  1. I don’t want to put my bra back on.
  2. Robes are not acceptable attire at nightclubs these days.
  3. Noone is going to refill the Coolwhip on top of my pudding if I leave my house. Who carries Coolwhip with them on their person while they are out and about? That’s just weird.
  4. I’m cold – like the center of my belly is filled with tiny icicles and if I get out from under my comforters they will begin to expand and take over my soul. Don’t you want me to go to Heaven?
  5. I don’t have any money because I visited Starbucks 657 this week and they’ve depleted my account entirely. In other news, I am 47% black tea at this point.
  6. I had other plans for tonight – like binging on Hoarders and scarring my children.
  7. I’ve gained some weight and none of my clothes fit. Also, I have so many clothes I have no place to put them.
  8. I was going to spend the night cleaning and tidying up. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHH! Just kidding. We all know that doesn’t actually work when you have kids.
  9.  Friday nights are reserved for online shopping and filling your cart up with thousands of dollars worth of goods and then closing out your browser and never actually making the purchase.  What? Am I the only one that does this?
  10. I have to work on my second job at Netflix – binge-watching TV. I don’t actually get paid but I am dedicated and hard working. Maybe they will notice me?

So, that’s it! The reason why I cannot meet up with you tonight! I hope you understand.

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